radio silence

Oh, why the no wedding posting…?

Well, we’re closing on a house next week, so that is part of it.

The second part of it is that our venue is requested a four night minimum for next year’s Columbus Day weekend, which I think is ridiculous. Seriously? I’ve asked around amoung my friends who are Cape Cod-saavy and they also think that a four night minium is insane.

Any ideas for a New England wedding location that costs between zilch and nada?

Wedding Craft #1

Oh, yes, we are having a country fair/carnival themed wedding. I know that simple decorations would be best, since our wedding is going to be simple. And I wanted many bright colors, not one or two shades of a muted pastel.

So here we go – wedding craft numero uno, the wedding pennants. I am envisioning these in the gazebos that are on the property of our wedding location…

I will most likely make more, and perhaps even craft a tutorial, since I think I came up with a way to make these very easily, thanks to my mathematically inclined little brother. Yay.

Say Yes to the Dress…?

Well, it turns out I care about the dress. Since our wedding is over a year away (October 2010!), not many of the vendors want to talk to us just yet. Which leaves a lot of time for me to daydream…about a white dress, apparently.

While Sparky and I agree we are not having a “gown” affair, I did tell her I wanted to go for a more wedding-ish dress than we had originally talked about (she will not be wearing a dress, and may be sporting something more along the lines of a non-jumpsuit jumpsuit…).

What with work being slow, I have now begun to track down types of dresses I think would be fun and still… wedding-ish. I am LOVING the idea of a colored petticoat and/or bright embroidery, leading me to wonder…

Could I learn to sew my own dress AND knit our chuppah? Am I INSANE?

Location! Location! Location!

 

We have found a “venue”! And set a date! 

All the “budget” wedding reading I’ve done guides you towards talking about the upcoming wedding to as many people as possible, since the logical questions after “We’re getting married!” seem to be “Where?!” and “When!?” and when you say you have no idea, people start making suggestions, recommendations and, in our case, an offer for a really great deal.

Our landlord owns a lovely beach resort (I say perfect motor inn/motel) on Cape Cod that has a limited number of adorably simple rooms, a perfect green lawn, access to the water and no venue charge! We can easily fill up the whole place AND use the number of rooms as a very logical way to limit our guest list.

My mom got to come visit with me, which was awesome. We took a wee day trip which was a crucial turning point in setting the date… asking our guests to drive to the Cape in the summer?? NO WAY. It took us 2+ hours to go 34 miles. In July heat. So October it is!

I am now enjoying thinking about all the fun things we may be able to do, knowing full well that at some point “check book” reality will hit. It’s not here yet, though…!

Big Fat Italian Wedding

Last weekend, one of my cousins got married in South Jersey. We road tripped it down with my brother and SIL, totally loved the mashed potato bar and introduced Sparky to the entire extended family at once. And it was FUN.

Now, I’ve been IN 9 weddings and attended about 5 more, however, this was my first wedding where I was engaged and where people actually asked me about MY wedding. (That alone annoyed me, since a wedding is TWO people, and not just about the one who might enjoy dealing with flower vendors.)

Throughout the weekend, a few of my family members made comments about what my cousin and her new husband had chosen for the wedding, knowing that what Sparky and I are trying to plan may be the exact opposite of a 200+, Italian Catholic South Jersey wedding.

And those comments made me think…

What Sparky and I are trying to plan is NOT an anti-wedding. I’m not REALLY an anti-bride. We’re not planning a reactive event with the sole purpose of making a statement of protest against a “traditional” American wedding, matching bridesmaids dresses or the father-of-the-bride-walking-down-the-aisle-thing.

We’re trying to plan ONE weekend in our lives when our nearest and dearest are in the same place and have fun. And where we have fun.

What really stood out about my cousin’s wedding is that it WAS beautiful. Both she and her groom really did glow, smiled the entire time and overall looked thrilled with everything. And they left married. Which means it was perfect. For THEM.

Put either me and Sparky in those circumstances as the main attraction and we’d be miserable. My cousin would probably hate getting married in flip flops.

So, I just put this out there as a thought — a typical wedding really is about the people getting married and their choice to do so, in whatever way they see fit. As long as the day ends with a newly married couple, the entire thing should be considered a win.

Bibliography

so many ideas

I’ve always been one to read and research – I guess that’s what happens when you’re the kid of a librarian and professor. While I know weddings are an Industry, I’m a little surprised at all the things that various sources tell you that you Need….’colors’, themes, out of town guest bags, personalized water (!? WTF?). No wonder so many people so easily turn into Bridezilla or (worse) Momzilla.

I am going to fully admit, I think it’s going to be hard for me not to be a little irrational about things…1) I can be a drama queen and 2) I actually tend to confirm more than I’d like to admit. So, I’m “calling an audible” now in the hopes I can manage my own ‘zillaness. That, and I’m going to try to limit my research… I think I’ve found enough places to go that have enough different ideas without having so many that I’d become fickle. Or, worried about wedding “trends” or what is the “right way to do things”. The right way is the way that we want it to be!

One of the benefits to planning a wedding now is that many more DIY/alternative/non-traditional/budget-friendly/responsible wedding resources are available. With gay marriage such a hot political topic, too, there’s places catering to what may be an “undiscovered” market. So, hooray good timing…!

Here’s the collection we’re using as our reference materials:

1. Anti-Bride Wedding Planner - it’s not that different from other wedding planners we looked at, other than the fact that there are not soft-focus roses on the cover.

2. Off-Beat Bride - the ‘real weddings’ pieces do a great job of highlighting weddings that are about the people getting married not about a Wedding. (Although, I will say, Off-Beat Brides don’t seem that off-beat anymore.)

3. Martha Stewart Weddings – it’s a classic for a reason. Info on manners and ettiquette is helpful, as is budgeting. The online tools are simple enough to use and there is an expanding DIY section. I think there’s a lot of “don’t recreate the wheel” info available via Ms. Martha.

4. Style Me Pretty and A Practical Wedding – both websites usually great photographs, a variety of ideas and personal stories of “how I made a wedding work for me and my spouse”, and Style Me Pretty has a very nicely done DIY section.

5. DIY Wedding – self-explanatory, I think? Good ways to make DIY be ‘hand crafted and personal” rather than “home made and … macaroni’n'glue crafty”.

6. Priceless Weddings Under $5000 – good reminders that embossed napkins aren’t what it’s all about (unless you want it to be that way). There are individual stories in each chapter about special weddings and how each couple kept their wedding true to their purpose of hosting a wedding/reception at all.

7. 2000 Dollar Wedding – this site is sums up what I hope we’re able to say at the end of our event. Focusing on the union not the wedding, family over food and enjoying yourself – sounds ideal to me!

8. Real Simple Wedding 2009 – Sparky gave this to me the day we got engaged (she knows I’m a planner). There are some great ideas in here – what to register for if you’ve lived together/are older/don’t want china and checklists that at least get you thinking about WHAT you’re planning (casual? elegant? etc.) A lot of the content seems available online, though.

9. So You’re Engayged – A newer site catering to, well, those enGAYged. I’m thrilled this site is out there and am interested to see how it develops.

I guess eight isn’t enough…? I’ve got to think all of these combined are ‘enough’ and more than cover the bases of what someone really NEEDS to know in planning a wedding. Of course, if you think I’ve missed something CRITICAL, I’d like to know, so share, share away…!

wedding necessities

As of June 8th, my partner, Sparky, and I are planning a “wedding”. We mean that in the broadest sense… in reality, we’re thinking more family reunion/country fair/lobster bake/summer camp for one weekend.

wedding fun

And, as I am one of ‘those brides’, the kind that has been thinking about their wedding for years, I am hoping that I can offer up some practical approaches to planning an event that in all actuality will looking nothing like my ‘childhood’ fantasy. Which is a good thing, since I think what I would have wanted even 10 years ago would have involved too much tulle for my body type, a little too much glitter for good taste and more debt than is reasonable.

What I hope comes out of the next year of planning is a party reflecting both me (yes, I DO want a tiara), Sparky (yes, we do need a tiered cake) and most of all — us and our priorities:

1. Family and Friends: all in once place at one time.

2. Not excessively adding to consumerism ($25k+ for a wedding is tragic) and funding ourselves – the Boston locale is leading us towards a $5k budget. We should be able to do what we want with that amount in mind… contributions from my parents will add on extras – “nice to haves” or decrease the amount we’re putting in.

3. Fun and low-to-no stress. We need to enjoy this next year – a wedding is something we WANT to do and the minute that changes, all bets are off.

And, to paraphase Anne of Green Gables… at least half the excitement of something is anticipating it. For me, the planning is a lot of the anticipation.

Let the excitement begin!